ACoA Trauma Syndrome by Tian Dayton

  • 🎬 Video
  • ℹ️ Published 10 years ago
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Growing up in a home where there is addiction or relationship trauma puts a child at great risk for long-term, post-traumatic stress effects that adversely compromise adult relationships. Bestselling author, psychologist, and psychodramatist Tian Dayton examines this trauma through an exploration of the way the brain and body process frightening or painful emotions and experiences in childhood, and she shows how these traumas can become catalysts for unhealthy, self-medicating behaviors including drug and alcohol abuse, food issues, and sex, gambling, and shopping addictions.Dr. Dayton's insightful analysis and thoughtful examination helps adult children of alcoholics understand how and why the pain they experienced in childhood plays out in their adult partnering and parenting and that they can learn how to restore health and happiness through their resilience.

💬 Comments
Author

My dad was a raging alcoholic. He's dead now for 4 yrs, I'm 45 yrs old & I'm still struggling w/ it everyday. Pls ppl, if you want to be a career alcoholic, or a drug addict, if you want to party your life away, etc, DON'T HAVE KIDS

Author — Jilligain

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My father was a raging alcoholic. Every holiday the police were at our house. My childhood was brutal. It lasted for decades and I stuttered as a child and I feared my father. Once I had a poor report card and he nailed it to the wall to shame me. Yes I was beaten as a child. When I was drafted into the army life became easier.

Author — Gerald O'Hare

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So true! I still deal with emotional shut-down when people start yelling. In some ways I feel like it's been kinda helpful as I work in a field where there are a lot of drug addicts yelling at me (mental health) ... but of course when I go home the whole thing hits me again! Early in my career it was so hard to deal with that I seriously considered quitting. I'm building up better coping skills and resources though so it doesn't bother me quite so much anymore.

Author — Cassandra Snow

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My ex was a daughter of an alcoholic, I wish I knew this information. I perhaps could have saved the relationship...

Author — Foil Grim Timmy

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My father hated me and reminded me regularly. His disdain for me was over the top and let me know even when I was in diapers and then throughout my life. What really topped it though was my reasoning that to care for me was to experience misery and pain that caring for me would bring. It totally warped my understanding of love. This came about from my really caring, abused and sad mother trying to get me to understand that my dad really loved me but had trouble showing it. I believed her but hated myself, and I hated to be loved by anyone my whole life and would run from it in order to bring relief to those who cared for me but would be miserable because of it. I was the lowest of all people because of this and recently understood why I was so misunderstanding of this. I am working on this and trying, but it is indeed a lonesome place to be in life. It was so bad when I was young that a beautiful girl in middle school that really was attracted to me was terrifying to me because I knew that to love me was to me miserable and sad, and she was in for grief, so out of panic I had to figure out a way to kill her before I made her sad because I cared for her so deeply. It was short lived though when one day i realized that this type of thinking was crazy. That was over 40 years ago and scares me to this day. I have a heart for children today and see them at times when they are mistreated. However one doesn't dare speak to another one's child. Yup, not even an encouraging smile. very risky. So they too have no one to turn to that would help. And it goes on and on. Life is so unfair to children. One has a life of caring and nurturing, then another that has to undergo such horror. I often wonder what would happen if people new this world before they were born, and then had a choice to enter into it not knowing who the parent was going to be. Maybe you could be born into love. Or maybe hate and fear. Or maybe starvation. Or maybe to an addict. Or a successful and caring and healthy family. HHHMMMM. Your choice pal. What would you like? Want to be part of society? You may there a second choice I have? Nope...Be born or cease to exist. With sweaty palms and a fast heart beat you then take the a loving family. You win the lottery of the world.

Author — servant2u

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I've been depressed for as long as I can remember but have only come to see it after a bad break up and then getting sober. ACOA makes so much sense and fits me perfectly. I have my ups and downs and struggle with self hate everyday. Thanks for this video, it really helps me understand why it is the way I think.

Author — bradohyea

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"You bring childhood traumas later in life with unproportional intensity:. This makes so much sense. Thank you very much, I now understand myself better and why I am always so angry at things that do not deserve much emotion. I am paying attention to my tiggers... Many, many, many thanks for you insight

Author — Daniel Lago

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The ACoA Trauma Syndrome "is a post-traumatic stress reaction in which childhood pain is being lived out in adult relationships without our awareness...Recovery is all about accessing resilience, building resilience, and consciously looking for strengths - in us and in our environment - that we can daily make use of."

Author — Lisa Seckold

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I'm an ACOA about to have my first session with a therapist because I can't deal with the physical fight/flight response when my father falls off the wagon (despite now being in my 40s) or someone near me is drunk or shouting. I'd never understood what the freeze response meant but this description exactly describes the way I feel when I get overwhelmed by my children sometimes.

Author — Emma H

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I'm amazed how easily she brought up so much about the patterns and things I experienced in my own childhood. I'm happy that I am finally attempting to confront my trauma

Author — G

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I wish the mental health professionals I had a lifetime of treatment with could have considered/known about this. They just re-enacted it.

Author — Raphaella Velasquez

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I'm a 20 year old dealing with this trauma. And to me, control = safe.

Author — Deyna Renae

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Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I am just beginning to explore the damage done by my alcoholic mother, and it’s very scary for me to confront these issues, so thank you, once again, your knowledge is very helpful.

Author — DizzyMindy

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Both my parents were addicts before and after my birth. (1 passed at 86 the other still alive) I became an addict by age 13 and went into Alateen and Al-Anon by 15. Both my siblings are still addicts. I spent my entire life in recovery and many kinds of therapy and group therapies. I definitely had PTSD but never got diagnosed until much later in my twenties.

My biggest mistake was the many times I came and went back to family. I no longer see any of them and never will again. I had a child whose father was a practicing alcoholic and became a single parent soon after he was born. I thought my child needed family. And unfortunately because it was traumatizing to be around them I had to pull the both of us out of the family (1st time) when he was ten. He chose not to see his father throughout most of his childhood until he was in his late teens. As an adult now he’s angry with me because of my ending contact with my family back then. I always said he was welcome to see them once he was old enough to make that decision. But as a parent being responsible for him, I said not now.

He made contact with them again in his late teens and sees his dad and stepmom and well... sadly... they bad mouth me, as do all family he’s contacted and so onward goes the merry-go-round of addiction.

I had done so much recovery work, respectfully set boundaries with them starting back in the early 90’s so my conscience is clear that I’ve handled myself exceptionally well with them all. But it’s left them fuming and determined to hurt my relationship with my son. They’ve succeeded.

Addiction is the gift that keeps on giving generation to generation. Glad I had one child and only one. Because no matter how hard I worked on myself, lived a clean life, a responsible life, I’m still impacted by the insanity of addictions.

Now I’m older and I am still letting go. My son prefers seeing the family and not so much me. I meet my grief and stand in the truth because the truth prevails. Not much more I could and can do until he’s open to conversation which may be never.

I celebrate anyone who can break the toxic bonds with anyone in addiction and especially when born into it and manages to escape and forge a good life for themselves despite the s—t the addicts continue to hurl at you. It is no small thing.

Author — Gillian I.

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@5:00
As a way to escape the abuse, I would journal. And in writing what happened, I was able to purge.
I started to write a book about growing up in alcoholism and how it effects the brain and adulthood.
I opened one of the many journals and realized I had suppressed so many memories of abuse that it sent me into a major depression for a couple months. I have since forgotten what I read. My brain protecting itself.

Author — 2Cents

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Controlling others or life to feel safe.controlling my sense of self to feel safe.look at the ways you control aspects of your life people.It is helping me.I tried to control others by shutting down myself!! crazy. 12 years total sobriety (hardest thing i have ever done)

Author — James Maclean

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Both my parents were and still are alcoholics😔. Currently struggling to gain my autonomy and break away from my toxic family. I certainly feel trapped currently as I still live with my family... Fear of failure has kept me stuck.

Author — Volkisch Fraulein

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... somehow i feel that as i grew up and knew what my dad did sometimes to get his booze, made me feel that i didn't wanted to have nothing to do with alcohol. As you can imagine, i wasn't very popular in college. I was seen as a prude, i suppose and never went out. I still battle against this and i'm trying to socialize more but i still prefer to do anything else rather than drinking. Guess i am a prude and i'm wrong.

Author — maxd87

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Unfortunately this syndrome can be so perfectly described and explained, yet I haven't seen any examples of anyone who has overcome it. In this video and with Jerry Wise, they don't even attempt to suggest a solution, other than paying Jerry $250 an hour and not taking insurance. What a violation of ACOA principles.

Author — Grindstaff09

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The oversimplification of Child's lack of nuance and treating them as if they were idiots is the worst part.

Author — JoseitoEdlVodao