How understanding divorce can help your marriage | Jeannie Suk Gersen

  • 🎬 Video
  • ℹ️ Description

To understand what makes marriages work, we need to talk about why they sometimes end, says family law professor Jeannie Suk Gersen. Follow along as she lays out three ways that thinking about marital decisions through the lens of divorce can help you better navigate togetherness from the beginning.

💬 Comments

I’m a child from a broken home. Most marriages in my family have been unsuccessful. They either got divorced or fell out of love and became mere cohabitants for tradition’s sake. As bad as this may sound, I think it has helped me to do better. I have seen what works and what doesn’t. The most successful marriages are the partnerships where each give and take and work together. The ones that haven’t worked are where one or both feel like they’re working harder than the other.

Author — J Lyons


My mom said "When there's more me than we, the marriage is over."

Author — Poppylan


I'm glad I didn't get married to the person I dated for 5 years. 2 years of reflecting later I realize tons of things about myself and my ex that I could never have realized during.
Love is quite blind indeed.

Author — Subby


She’s basically saying that marriage doesn’t just “happen” and things just “work out.” She’s saying that people have to be mindful, honest, and upfront about the they are making. Communication is everything. The way you plan and prepare for “worst case scenarios” for like finances or losing a job, you gotta talk about and plan for the end of a relationship and in this way you avoid it happening. Relationships are extremely intentional

Author — Adrian Hush


“Sometimes the things we do out of love can be the very things that make it hard for that love to last” that part.

Author — Rachel Vensand


I literally had listened and re-listened to this video endless number of times in order to understand further. This is not to complaint. But to compliment that you have shared with us a wisdom

Author — Tawheed Mohammad Sayyid


Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.



So talking about divorce before marriage, counter intuitively strengthens the marriage

Author — Mihail Colun


"She graduates and files for divorce" well, good timing, he gets half now!

Author — mmatrainee


Great talk. Her closing statement felt a little like word vomit, but her three key points were excellently presented.

Author — Anne Day


Marriage is a partnership. This is a great talk thanks 👍🏽

Author — mirtagpa


Divorces should serve as the best examples of the saying "learning from your mistakes"

Author — Just Some Guy without a Mustache


It’s like what I remember from adventure time:
“Responsibility demands sacrifice.” -P.B.

Author — Some Random Person


I was literally just randomly looking at divorce stats😅 the coincidence is real.

For the record it was a computer with no known connection with my own

Author — Black Vito - Moneyology


"If you want to Understand what Makes a Marriage works, you should think about how a Marriage Ends"

Author — yatin bagul


*There’s no such thing as a free child care*
That stuck with me

Author — Marwa Mirgani


Only when you are more concerned about what you can do for the other person than what you can get out of a relationship with that person will you have a successful and happy marriage. As a matter of full disclosure, my wife and I are perfectly matched in our respective second marriage. Funny, our experience appears to be the same for our first (round in stupid and immature decisions to marry) spouses respectively. Good TED talk counselor.

Author — Mr Mike


Get ready for ya blessing
First of all, no matter what view one takes on the issue of divorce, it is important to remember Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). God realizes, though, that, since marriages involve two sinful human beings, divorces are going to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcées, especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1–4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because such laws were God’s desire (Matthew 19:8).

The controversy over whether divorce and remarriage is allowed according to the Bible revolves primarily around Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this “exception clause” as referring to “marital unfaithfulness” during the “betrothal” period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or “betrothed.” According to this view, immorality during this “betrothal” period would then be the only valid reason for a divorce.

However, the Greek word translated “marital unfaithfulness” is a word which can mean any form of sexual immorality. It can mean fornication, prostitution, adultery, etc. Jesus is possibly saying that divorce is permissible if sexual immorality is committed. Sexual relations are an integral part of the marital bond: “the two will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, any breaking of that bond by sexual relations outside of marriage might be a permissible reason for divorce. If so, Jesus also has remarriage in mind in this passage. The phrase “and marries another” (Matthew 19:9) indicates that divorce and remarriage are allowed in an instance of the exception clause, whatever it is interpreted to be. It is important to note that only the innocent party is allowed to remarry. Although not stated in the text, it would seem the allowance for remarriage after divorce is God’s mercy for the one who was sinned against, not for the one who committed the sexual immorality. There may be instances where the “guilty party” is allowed to remarry, but they are not evident in this text.

Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as another “exception, ” allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believer. However, the context does not mention remarriage but only says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. Others claim that abuse (spousal or child) is a valid reason for divorce even though it is not listed as such in the Bible. While this may very well be the case, it is never wise to presume upon the Word of God.

Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause is the fact that, whatever “marital unfaithfulness” means, it is an allowance for divorce, not a requirement for it. Even when adultery is committed, a couple can, through God’s grace, learn to forgive and begin rebuilding their marriage. God has forgiven us of so much more. Surely we can follow His example and even forgive the sin of adultery (Ephesians 4:32). However, in many instances a spouse is unrepentant and continues in sexual immorality. That is where Matthew 19:9 can possibly be applied. Many also look to quickly remarry after a divorce when God might desire them to remain single. God sometimes calls people to be single so that their attention is not divided (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Remarriage after a divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it is the only option.

The Bible makes it abundantly clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and that reconciliation and forgiveness should mark a believer’s life (Luke 11:4; Ephesians 4:32). However, God recognizes that divorce will occur, even among His children. A divorced and/or remarried believer should not feel any less loved by God, even if the divorce and/or remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause of Matthew 19:9.
Gian Giorgio Trissino
Both I and J were used interchangeably by scribes to express the sound of both the vowel and the consonant. It wasn't until 1524 when Gian Giorgio Trissino, an Italian Renaissance grammarian known as the father of the letter J, made a clear distinction between the two sounds.

Author — Anthony Jones


This is so true. Especially, " sacrifice should be a fair exchange".

Author — Vincent Li


I can't help but draw a parallel to a line from Frankenstein,

"To examine the causes of life, we must first have recourse to death, "

So to figure out what works in a marriage, you look at divorce... Not very romantic if i'm being honest and not a first date conversation starter.

Author — zxqwerxz